Legal jobs. Lawyer and Secretary. Legal Recruitment

How to say goodbye in a good way

How to say goodbye in a good way

This topic comes to mind as a result of a recruitment experience the team had while recruiting for an in-house position.

It highlighted the importance, particularly of how an employer should handle and/or react when a key member of the team decides to leave.

Yes, it can be devastating when your key legal person decides to change jobs, moves away, looks for progression, more responsibility, independence or more challenge.

In this situation, on the one hand, the company and in particular the CEO went to great lengths to get the candidate to stay. They had plans for the candidate’s future development going forward, becoming part of the leadership team, salary increase and much more. On the other hand when the candidate did decide to leave it was like the CEO was throwing their toys out of the cot by making all kinds of accusations about the shortcomings of the new position, the company and industry sector.

Now, if you just stepped back for a minute and assessed the situation, do you not think that the CEO has just revealed their true colours by the way they reacted? Is that surely not a very good reason to confirm that the decision to leave was the right one?

You’re not likely to come back anytime soon either.

This is only one story of many I’m sure, about how companies or firms and in particular people, because it is people that leave people and an organisation too, have reacted.

Rule number one

Don’t bad mouth the other firm or company. It’s not going to change the decision and in fact it is more than likely just going to confirm to the candidate that it is the right decision for them. Remain neutral and professional. Ask questions to try to understand the decision about to be made.

If you are faced with a counter offer what do you do?

It depends on whether you want the employee to stay or not and the size and shape of the other offer on the table. It also depends on why the employee is looking to move. If it is for more responsibility or career progression, throwing more money at it might get them to stay in the short term, however, if it is more progression or responsibility they want in the long-term they are going to leave unless you are able address those needs. Sometimes a smaller company just cannot offer progression and you need to be able to recognise this and be honest about it.

Be very clear as to why you would make a counter offer. Don’t just make it about money. Make it more responsibility and more money or more independence and more money. Base it on the reason why the person is looking to leave.

Make it a partnership where the employee needs to take responsibility for whatever is decided needs to change, as well as the employer paying more.

It has been said that you shouldn’t make a counter offer and that it is better to let the person go and just maybe they might come back in 12 months’ time.

In the end it might just be ….

“Look, it sounds like a great job and I know you need a change of scenery. You’re bored. This is the only place you’ve ever worked. Go off, enjoy the new place but think of us when you want to come back again. You still have a home here.”

Regular catch ups

In an ideal world, you need to have your finger on the pulse as to where each of your team members are at and thinking career and job-wise. Regretfully, we are not in an ideal world and the ‘busy-ness’ of doing the business tends to take over. A quick catch-up and touch base every 3 months is a good way to check in and get a feel of how your team member is feeling about their performance and progress. It’s only 1 hour out of 450 hours. Put it in the diary and make it a regular event.

How could you respond?

Balance the often strong emotional reaction you will have when you hear the words “I am resigning” or “I have another job” with a degree of pragmatism. It happens!

When a resignation comes in the power game is reversed for the employer and it is the employee who supposedly has the upper hand. This can often create a feeling of rejection and negative connotations for you, the employer. In this situation, you just have to be the ‘big person’. It is not always the case or the intention of the employee to set you up. Many times it is the only way they know how to present the situation. In my discussion with candidates they often find it the hardest thing to do and say. For sure there are the acrimonious situations when both the employer and the employee are pleased to part company. Do it graciously.

Leaving the door open

For whatever reason an employee elects to go, there are advantages in leaving the door open to return if they are someone you would employ again. They may well find the decision to join another firm or company turns out to be not what they thought it was going to be or led to believe. Why wouldn’t you have then back if they were a good employee?

Keep in touch

An important aspect to consider when someone leaves is that your employees will talk about you and what you are like to work for. They have the potential to send or recommend candidates to you and equally so, to turn candidates away. When I am doing a reference check on a candidate, it is always good to hear that the previous employer and the candidate have kept in touch. It means that there is a good level of healthy understanding and respect present.

I often think it is a bit bizarre that every lunchtime there are lots of employees racing around town, going for job interviews in secret and thinking nobody in the office notices.

In truth, office colleagues and managers are very perceptive when it comes to even a slight change in habit or pattern, suspicion sets in and they instinctively know. Wouldn’t it be great if it could be all very transparent and accept that people move on for whatever reason. Sometimes we can do something about it and then sometimes we can’t. It is just how it is.

< Older Post

Newer Post >

Is your workplace changing you?

By Sarah Bartlett • September 9, 2026

Does your workplace change you? This was written (full disclosure by another consultant) a while ago but I feel is still relevant now, what do you think? I was watching the movie Fury, a very good yet very disturbing film set at the end of the Second World War. The main character, Norman, is a reluctant young soldier trained as a typist but forced to become the assistant driver/gunner in the tank "Fury" after the death of the previous gunner. Initially, he refuses to shoot the enemy, but he is forced by his Sergeant, "Wardaddy" (played by Brad Pitt), to shoot a Nazi in the back as he kneels begging for his life. As the movie progresses, he realises he has to kill in order to stay alive and save the lives of his crew, and begins to relish killing Nazis. I was fascinated by the transformation from Norman to "Machine," his nickname from the crew. He had to change, and change fast, in order to survive. The typist who refused to fire his weapon became a ruthless, efficient killing machine. What disturbed me more was the thought that this transformation could happen to any of us in the same horrific situation. Many of those who fought would have been considered ordinary men, not trained killers, before they joined the army. To survive in war, soldiers must be prepared to kill the enemy, and to do that, you have to dehumanise them, view them as lesser people. An interesting counterpoint comes at the end of the movie, when Norman is hiding under the tank and is found by an SS soldier (the worst of the Nazis, according to Wardaddy). Instead of dragging him out and shooting him, or worse, torturing him, as he'd been told would happen, the soldier leaves him alone. The movie ends with Norman being rescued and labelled a hero. It's easy to see how war could change someone dramatically, but how much do other changes in our environment change us? We all know people in relationships who have changed, for better or worse, when they started a relationship with someone new. Sometimes change is necessary to make a relationship work, compromise is essential, you have to think of someone else, not just yourself. Other times, one or both people are forced to change, and not for the better. One test of a good relationship: do you make each other better people? It's a bit of a stretch to compare work to war, but there's no doubt in my mind that your workplace can change you. At the extreme end, some people become depressed, overwhelmed, or burnt out by their work, whereas others grow, thrive and become better people. Sometimes it's just called the culture of the organisation, you either fit, or you don't. Those who don't "make it" weren't cut out for the environment, or didn't have the right attributes to succeed. If you don't think your workplace changes people, take a look at the senior people in your organisation, especially those who've been there a long time. Are there similarities in values, working style, management approach, communication? Is that self-selection, recruiting people who are all similar or is the organisation moulding people to fit, or some combination of all three? Do you find yourself wrestling with your conscience, bursting with the need to disagree, challenge or object, but suppressing it because you know you'd be swimming against the tide? Are you justifying decisions to yourself that you'd previously have called just wrong? Do you feel the need to comply with the company line? It might not be an ethical dilemma, it could simply be that you feel you need to suppress who you really are to fit in. You might manage that for a while, but eventually, it becomes suffocating. If you find yourself in this situation, you have three options: Adapt, change and compromise - just like Norman did in Fury. Stay and swim against the stream , becoming an internal agent of change. (In my experience, unless leadership is also swimming against the current with you and genuinely trying to change the culture, this is futile.) Get out and find a place where you can be yourself, thrive and excel. There are plenty of workplaces that don't make better people, some even do real damage in the pursuit of winning. But there are others that make people better, not worse. If you need help getting out of an environment that's changing you, and not for the better, get in touch, let's talk about your options.